It’s hard to be popular. But I think a good way to do it is to say a lot of things that aren’t true and see if it excites people. You tell them that you’re going to take over Greenland, annex Canada, build a Golden Dome over the United States, have your bust carved into Mount Rushmore, sell American citizenship for five million a pop and put a 145% tariff on Chinese imports and watch them go up in arms. You say all these things and maybe you do one or two of them so you don’t lose credibility.
But most of the things you say you don’t do. Or you do and undo them real quick. Because, while you’re baiting the libs, you’re also doing other big things. Like a bill that undoes everything the libs have ever done. It’s a game and most people love the way you play it. Because that’s how you play it. You say a lot of things.
But when the journalists start calling you TACO it’s not good. Because a lot of the things you say you were not going to do anyway. You just said them to get people excited. So you talk it over with your Jewish neo-Nazi (whatever the hell that’s about) chief advisor. And you do it in the second person, as if it wasn’t you but someone else talking. You say you don’t want these fake-news people dissing you with this TACO crap.
Besides, it’s disrespectful to the military, because you command the military and the military never chickens out. Though you went to military school and you don’t have much to say about how horrible war is like a lot of losers do, you do know that the military has a job to do and they work for you. You’re Commander in Chief and, the way you see it, you do your job and if you don’t you’re fired. (Isn’t that a beautiful word, fired?) Anyhow, you’re idea of the military is like the $9.99 Classic Toy Soldiers Set you buy on Amazon. You own that shit the way Newscum is always telling people to own things.
Your Jewish white supremacist (whatever that means) advisor says that you’ve got to show the American people that you own it. So you have a military parade on your birthday. It’s not that great but it’s beautiful and worth every cent. And many people are amazed at our fantastic weaponry. And not a single person speaks out against it.
But does anybody say happy birthday? Does anyone thank America for this big, beautiful show of force? Or even thank the birthday boy for the amazing show? No. Because it’s TACO this and TACO that. And some people are even saying that taco is slang for pussy. That’s what they’re saying. You know it’s not true. That tacos aren’t pussies. But, still, you have to do something about it. About being called a taco. Because who calls the President a taco on his birthday?
So you ask your Jewish neo-fascist (if that’s even possible) advisor and he says you’ve got to do more. And here’s where it gets complicated. You’ve told everyone that you’re ending the “forever wars.” You also promised to end the Ukraine’s war against Russia, though you never said you would. Or, if you did say that, you also had to punish Zelenski. Because Zelenski never gave you the dirt you needed to beat Biden in 2020. Or, at least, he never let you be president after you won in 2020. Zelenski is also a very rude person who likes to pretend that he’s some kind of wartime leader instead of a normal president, like you. In any case, he’s not as popular as you are.
But that’s the kind of pressure you’re under with this TACO nonsense. And sometimes you’ve got to do things to see how it sticks. Like spaghetti. Which is part of what makes you so popular. You’ve got the balls to say many things and even do a few of them. Things no president has said or done. Which doesn’t jive at all with TACO.
So my Jewish right-wing Christian nationalist (a bit mixed-up but a great guy) advisor says there’s this regime in Iran that no one likes and doesn’t like Jews. He says the Israelis—I know Netanyahu personally and he’s a great guy—did what they could to keep the Jew haters from dropping the big one. He says that we need to help the Israelis, just like we’re fighting for Jewish equal rights at our universities.
So you say, okay, you’re happy to do that. Because no one helps the Jewish people faster and bigger than the U.S. Armed Forces do. They did it in World War II and they’ll do it again. Because everything military is good. And that’s the message that your Jewish white supremacist (we’ll get it straightened out some day) advisor said that you need to send.
So you send the message. You don’t just say it. You send it. And boy, do they ever get the message. It’s like, excuse me, did someone say TACO? Did you say TACO? Because I don’t see anyone around here saying TACO. And let me reassure you, what’s down there is no taco. Nuh-uh. Not at all TACO.